Marriage Preparation

This is called an interfaith or mixed marriage, and it happens more than you might think. The Church does allow Catholics to marry non-Catholics, but there is an additional step — the Catholic party needs to obtain what's called a dispensation, which your priest will help you with. The non-Catholic partner is not required to convert or take any classes, but both of you will go through the marriage prep process together. The conversations actually tend to be richer when two different faith backgrounds are in the room.

You don't have to have a perfect prayer life or be at Mass every Sunday to begin marriage prep. What matters is that you want to be married in the Church and that afterwards you plan on living your faith more regularly in the Catholic Church. This means you're open to the process. Marriage prep is actually a wonderful re-entry point for couples who have drifted — many people find that preparing for this sacrament reawakens something in their faith they didn't expect. I do encourage you though to begin making more of an effort in your practice of faith, so that our discussions are fruitful.

You wouldn't be the first couple to ask, and you won't be turned away. The Church's teaching is that cohabitation before marriage isn't ideal, and that's something we will discuss honestly during our meetings — but it is never a disqualifier. I will make recommendations that will reflect the chastity expected of you in the process but never from a stance of condemnation. The fact that you want to get married in the Church and do this the right way says something so I would encourage you to strive to remain chaste and honest with the priest preparing you for marriage.

This depends on the circumstances. If a previous marriage was a civil marriage only and not a sacramental Catholic marriage, the situation may be straightforward. If there was a prior sacramental marriage, an annulment — a formal declaration by the Church that a valid sacramental marriage did not exist — would typically need to be granted before a new Catholic marriage can take place. This process takes time, so please reach out as early as possible. It's not as frightening as it sounds, and I'll walk you through every step.

Our Diocese does require some form of Pre-Cana or marriage preparation program in addition to your meetings with a priest. This might be a weekend retreat, a one-day workshop, or an online course depending on your preference. Think of it as a chance to be around other engaged couples and have guided conversations in a group setting. It's almost universally less intimidating than people expect — and most couples say they got a lot out of it.

FOCCUS is a pre-marriage questionnaire that helps surface areas of alignment and potential tension in your relationship — things like finances, family expectations, faith, communication, and intimacy. It is not a test and there is no passing or failing. The results are private between the two of you and your priest, and the only purpose is to give us something concrete to talk about. Couples who approach it honestly almost always find it genuinely helpful.

Yes, with the right permissions. You'll need what's called a letter of freedom from your home parish — a document confirming you are free to marry in the Church — and the permission of both pastors involved. If you're being married in a diocese different from where you live, there may be a few additional steps, but none of them are complicated. Just let me know your situation early and we'll sort it out together.

An introduction to Natural Family Planning — NFP — is a standard part of Catholic marriage preparation. You'll receive information about it and likely have at least one conversation about it. The Church teaches that NFP is the morally appropriate approach to family planning, and part of marriage prep is understanding why the Church holds that position. You won't be pressured, but you will be informed — and many couples are genuinely surprised by what they learn.

The cost varies by your decisions in preparation. The parish will charge nothing. However if you choose an online Pre-Cana program there will be a charge of about $220 and the FOCCUS inventory will be roughly $30. Generally speaking, Catholic marriage prep is far less expensive than almost any other part of your wedding. If cost is a concern, please just say so — it should never be a barrier to receiving this sacrament.

Then marriage prep is exactly the right place to bring those doubts. Seriously. These conversations are confidential, and their purpose is precisely to help you examine your relationship honestly before you stand at that altar. A good priest is not trying to rush you to the wedding — he's trying to help you get there with clarity and confidence. If something significant surfaces during our meetings, we'll address it together, with compassion and without judgment.